Poe on the blue steps pretty well captures my mood these past days. While I don't often delve into my personal musings on this farm journal, the fact is that matters of my heart are inextricably linked to matters of the farm. And it is with a very heavy heart that I try to adjust to the idea that my longtime boyfriend Patrick (1.5 years is a LONG time for good ole kat...) and I have brought an end to the commited "we" part of our relationship. It will be better for each of us, but as I have litanized over the past days, "that doesn't mean it isn't hard," or sad, or depressing, or overwhelming. This transition brings on incredible cycles of questioning, self-doubt, passionate hopefulness, and quiet reflection. The gardens have been the main witness to these emotions. Among other aspects, one acute part of my grief has to do with the recognition of the wonderful qualities that Patrick embodies, and the realization that I may never find those in another person. And: What relationship should this other person have to my farm? To my values and passions? To my deeper layers?
Certain plots, such as garlic, have been harvested and replanted with an oat covercrop, or with fall lettuce starts. The center picture is part of the new plot that has been in green manures for 2 growing seasons, got amended yesterday with high-cal lime (high in calcium as opposed to magnesium, which nh soils have enough of...) and potash, and will be planted in a final cover crop before being put into production next spring (nervous, nervous, bite my fingernails).
Next week's CSA members can look forward to glorious eggplant, one of my favorite things in the late summer garden. And if those heirlooms get along towards ripening, those will be yummy, too. We've already been enjoying Brandywines and Great Whites, but these Roses are slooow.
Well, that's all for now. Any words of wisdom on the art and work of love and partnership?
6 comments:
Wisdom. I am not sure I am the one with any wisdom. But I do know my dear friend Kat and have faith that one day she will find her soul mate. Someone with the same passions, loves, and adventures. They are out there somewhere. In the mean time. I LOVE you! Corbin loves you (well he would if he met you), and Brindzi says hi to Poe. If you need some Erin words. Give a call. Or I will soon.
Kat, I'm so sorry to hear about this transition that is always full of pain, even if it makes the most sense. I'm glad that the garden is proving to be a companionable distraction, though I'd also suggest adding to the mix some good time with friends (more potlucks? how 'bout a trip to the common ground fair?) and some good time with your self. Peace to you, friend. You will find your Way.
Kat! Sometimes all the blows come at once to prove we're only human. Trust me, the pain you're feeling will eventually shift to joy. And you'll meet someone that feels as comfortable as your best pair of shoes. Weightless and blister-free. I wish we could take away some of that pain for you! Poe's got a big job these days. We love you Kat, and if it helps, your soil is lookin' mighty fine.
hey love,
i'm sorry to hear of the blue times you're having. wish i could help, but i don't know if i have any wisdom to impart. i guess i can only say that it's good to stay true to yourself and know that while you may miss him, it wasn't right.
keep tilling that soil and something beautiful will grow one day and stay for all seasons.
sadly, i don't think i'll make it up to visit again this summer (can you tell, it's fall already!) and september is already crazy busy with weddings and trips west. when do you leave for the mountains again? perhaps i'll be lucky enough to see your beautiful face again before you return to the snow.
love you!
here's a great big hug,
sabe
Kat, I am sorry you have to go through these painful times right now. These great transitions in our lives are never easy but I know you are going to come out of it even stronger than you already are. The right person will come along. Sending lots of love your way. Big hug my friend, Stella
1.5 years is a long time for anyone to be connected on that level with someone else... I am sorry.
I do hope your big machines will distract a little while you go through the transition. and I like what Sabe said about tending to the soil- you literally are creating fertile ground for your life.
Love you...
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